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a seasonal change of heart

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A Tragic End. [Jan. 25th, 2008|10:03 pm]
a seasonal change of heart
Julia Patience Maccio-Norris was born on January 17th at 10:48pm.
4lb 10oz, 17 1/2 in.

Our precious, beautiful angel died on Monday, January 14th. She just stopped kicking sometime during the day and we found out that night her heart had stopped beating. We found out when she was born that it was due to cord compression; our darling, acrobatic baby girl had our cord wrapped around her neck.

I labored for over 24 hours and pushed for less than 30 minutes. When she came out, John and I cried in each ohter's arms before she was placed across my chest. Tears streamed down my parents' faces. She looked just like John. Ruby red lips, a tiny nose, and skin so soft I could hardly feel it as I stroked and kissed it for hours. She looked beautiful and peaceful; small but long and healthy. It sounds ridiculous to say we are devastated. We are empty, our lives and dreams shaken and destroyed, our minds reeling in disbelief and protest. My belly is getting smaller and the pain in my heart is indescribable. My breasts filled with milk three days after coming home and they are aching for her tiny mouth to suckle them. Her milk is filling up my freezer in small bags for another baby, but not mine. My arms are empty; my skin aches to feel hers.

The days since getting this devastating news have been a blur or hysteria and shock, the days since she was born have been an unimaginable nightmare.

I don't even know what to write here; everything sounds wrong and inadequate.
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Because I feel so disconnected- [Nov. 16th, 2007|12:01 am]
a seasonal change of heart
If my mom threw a baby shower, would you come?
I feel I should ask because I have had an irrational fear for the past 10 years that I'd plan a party and get excited and then no one would show up.
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(no subject) [Oct. 24th, 2007|12:56 pm]
a seasonal change of heart
66. TELL ME A RANDOM FACT ABOUT YOURSELF:
i am keeping a very big secret right now that only one other person knows and i am bursting at the seams to reveal.


I am six months pregnant.
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because i am sadistic and this is how we used to do it livejournal-style. [Jun. 20th, 2007|11:45 am]
a seasonal change of heart
[Current Music |doors]

1. EVER BEEN GIVEN AN ENGAGEMENT RING?
yes and it lies on my finger.

2. LONGEST RELATIONSHIP?
15 months and growing.

3. LAST GIFT YOU RECEIVED?
seed of my husband-to-be.

4. EVER DROPPED A CELL PHONE?
i am continuously teased about doing so. my biggest accomplishment however was dropping it in the mop bucket at work, completely submerging it and still reviving it to working status. i think it is my subconscious acting out rebellion of owning cell phone.

6. THING(S) YOU SPEND A LOT OF MONEY ON?
rent, textbooks, and pet supplies.

7. LAST FOOD YOU ATE?
milk and sliced bananas with peanut butter.

8. FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX?
in the morning? that they have stolen the covers from me.
at night? that it's time to cuddle and do it.

9. ONE FAVORITE SONG?
beatles - something.

10. WHERE DO YOU LIVE?
upper nyack.

11. HIGH SCHOOL YOU ATTENDED:
one of the hard knock persuasion.

12. CELL PHONE SERVICE PROVIDER:
verizon.

13. FAVORITE MALL STORE:
impossible question.

14. LONGEST JOB YOU HAD:
current, vet tech.

15. DO YOU OWN A PAIR OF DICE?
i am inclined to make a dirty joke but am convinced i have already provided more than adequate information in this survey.

16. DO YOU PRANK CALL PEOPLE?:
sometimes unintentionally.

17. LAST WEDDING YOU ATTENDED:
i can't remember.

18. FIRST FRIEND YOU'D CALL IF YOU WON THE LOTTERY:
john then my mom.

19. LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR BEST FRIEND:
4 hours and 15 minutes ago.

20. FAVORITE FAST FOOD RESTAURANT:
sushi.

21. BIGGEST LIE YOU HAVE EVER HEARD:
ugh.

23. WHERE'S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO EAT WITH FRIENDS?
my couch/bed.

24. CAN YOU COOK?
it is one of my scarily well-refined homemaker qualities.

25. WHAT CAR DO YOU DRIVE?:
an 11 year old, green (doubly so), and loyal toyota corolla.

27. LAST TIME YOU CRIED?:
10 minutes ago.

28. MOST DISLIKED FOOD:
meat and bagels are at a tie.

29. THING YOU LIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF:
open, sponge-like mind.

30. THING YOU DISLIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF:
poor social skills, easily misunderstood humor, short temper.

32. LONGEST SHIFT YOU HAVE WORKED AT A JOB?:
15+ hours.

33. FAVORITE MOVIE?
home movies of camping and shenanigans with john.

34. CAN YOU SING?
not well but enthusiastically.

35. LAST CONCERT ATTENDED?
i never thought i'd answer "i can't remember", but alas.

36. LAST TIME YOU WENT TO THE BEACH?
last summer.

37. LAST MOVIE RENTED:
john is king of cinema, i don't remember last movie rented except from own collection.

38.ONE THING YOU NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE WITHOUT:
bra and most days my dogs/john.

39. FAVORITE vacation spot:
camping in jamaica, vt.

43. LAPTOP OR DESKTOP COMPUTER?:
laptop.

44. FAVORITE PERSONALITY?:
lt. jim dangle.

45. DO YOU SMOKE?
gross. only green and rarely.

46. SLEEP WITH OR WITHOUT CLOTHES?
usually without but only because i like being cold and being cuddled from behind.

47. WHO SLEEPS WITH YOU EVERY NIGHT?:
john plus various cats.

48. DO LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS WORK?:
who cares. the only thing that ever works in the end is true love.

49. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BEEN PULLED OVER BY THE POLICE?
a few times but never been arrested or given a ticket.

50. PANCAKES OR FRENCH TOAST?
neither. waffles i like sometimes.

51. DO YOU LIKE COFFEE?:
makes me puke. i like tea.

52. HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS?
fertilized. ahaha just kidddinggg. i like them soft and runny and sometimes a crispy area to spice things up.

53. DO YOU BELIEVE IN ASTROLOGY?:
i believe in Astro and i believe in logic.

54. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?:
john.

55. LAST PERSON ON YOUR MISSED CALL LIST?:
john (i was pooping and we were fighting so i didn't feel hurrying my wipe procedure).

56. WHAT WAS THE LAST TEXT MESSAGE YOU RECIEVED?:
i don't memorize these things, sorry.

58. NUMBER OF PILLOWS?:
on bed? four.

59. WHAT ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW?:
bra, panties and flip-flops.

60. PICK A LYRIC, ANY LYRIC:
"some are born to sweet delight, some are born to the endless night."

61. WHAT KIND OF JELLY DO YOU LIKE ON YOUR PB & J?:
none, honey sometimes.

62. CAN YOU PLAY POOL?:
i don't care to, honestly.

63. CAN YOU SWIM?
like a fish. (similar to drinking abilities).

64. FAVORITE ICE CREAM?:
anything with nuts and

65. DO YOU LIKE MAPS?
well they are helpful to navigate unknown territories.

66. TELL ME A RANDOM FACT ABOUT YOURSELF:
i am keeping a very big secret right now that only one other person knows and i am bursting at the seams to reveal.

68. EVER ATTEND A THEME PARTY?:
i have attended many "drink and smoke and do drugs until you pass out" parties and a couple costume parties, but not in years.

69. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON?
autumn and then winter.

70. LAST TIME YOU LAUGHED AT SOMETHING STUPID?
30 seconds ago.

71. WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP THIS MORNING?
6:30.

72. BEST THING ABOUT WINTER?
EVERYTHING. january is only month my college doesn't have undergrad courses. snow, sledding, fires, camping, darkness, cold, bundlig up, dry air, rosy cheeks, the list goes on and on.

73. LAST TIME A COP GAVE YOU A TICKET?:
never. i am invincible. proof: almost ran over a female cop in valley cottage and got away with it without trying to talk my way out of it. she saw tampons and a heating pad in the passenger seat and must have wanted to seem sympathetic.

75. NAME OF YOUR FIRST PET?:
clarabelle.

76. DO YOU THINK PIRATES ARE COOL OR OVERRATED?:
they portray a relatable way of life for me but i believe they are admired and idolized for all the falsified/glorified reasons by mainstream society.

77. WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS WEEKEND??
sleeping, home improvements, homework assignments, studying, playing with dogs/john.

78. BIRTHDATE:
19.2.85

79. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE:
a compassionate, intelligent, positively-contributing human being. i think i have achieved my goals, relative to my age and experience, and will never admit complete achievement because i think it takes a lifetime's work to become this type of human being. also would like to make enough money helping the world to have a family and not worry about money.

85. ARE YOU ON A LAPTOP?:
yes.

87. ARE YOU SMILING?:
no.

89. DO YOU MISS SOMEONE RIGHT NOW?
yes.

90. IF YOU COULD GO ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD WHERE WOULD YOU GO?
everywhere in the world. i would love to spend months in europe, northern canada, eastern europe, argentina, etc.

92. ARE YOU IN HIGH SCHOOL?:
no.

93. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH?:
i have a crush on life: my cats, my dogs, and my husband and also all of nature and good people.

94. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NAME?
moshu.

95. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR BATHING SUIT?:
black and white polka dots.

96. DOES YOUR SCHOOL START IN AUGUST?:
school is unending, i am there almost without break. end of jan-may, june-august, sept-dec, etc. it is tiring.

97. DID YOU GO ON VACATION LAST MONTH?:
no but i plan to soon.

98. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON A CRUISE?:
no, i refuse.

99. DO YOU HAVE A SISTER:
i have a brother whom i like to tease and tell him that the reason he's gay is that i used to get bored and dress him up like a girl when we were young'uns.

100. ARE YOU UPSTAIRS?:
not by any account.

101. ARE YOU IN LOVE?
deeply.

102. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN THE HOSPITAL?
eh. hospital is overrated.

103. DO YOU WISH YOU COULD SEE ANYONE PARTICULAR RIGHT NOW?
well i am not blind. i wish i could see some down-under family, though.

104. WHAT JEWELRY ARE YOU WEARING?
diamond ring, and assorted jewelry from argentina.

105. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO AFTER THIS SURVEY?
cuddle with cats on the bed until time to meet john in harriman for milk-buying, etc.
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love and other dangerous indoor sports, part I [Jun. 15th, 2007|05:20 pm]
a seasonal change of heart

for nearly 15 months (to the day) i have had the following persistent symptoms:

heart palpitations.
cardiacus papilionis.
flushing of the skin.
emotional outbursts.

and others.
i've never undergone such a chronic condition.

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I am painting a tribute to the Humboldt Squid. [May. 17th, 2007|04:22 pm]
a seasonal change of heart
[Current Location |home]
[Current Mood |awake]

Semester is over; summer classes start in two weeks.
With a heavy science course-load, I have neglected to nurture and express myself creatively.
My pre-midyear resolution is to remedy that.
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I am feeling adulterous in an electronic kind of way. [May. 15th, 2007|03:18 pm]
a seasonal change of heart
[Current Location |not myspace]
[Current Mood |not myspace]
[Current Music |not myspace]

I missed you, Livejournal.
Did you miss me?
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(no subject) [Aug. 28th, 2006|03:37 pm]
a seasonal change of heart
i think my first ever journal entry was around this time of year.
photos documenting the last five and a half months coming soon.
call it nostalgia.
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(no subject) [Apr. 7th, 2006|01:05 am]
a seasonal change of heart
our lovemaking moves me to tears.
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(no subject) [Apr. 4th, 2006|08:40 pm]
a seasonal change of heart
loveCollapse )
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